I began this project with the intention of a video installation project, eight different projectors with two projections onto four walls. It initially started with thinking I wanted videos of random people and just their eyes. However, the more I thought about it, I knew it had to be my family because of the motivation behind the concept of the videos. I recorded my family members that I am really close to. I recorded their faces, thinking this would allow me to change if I only wanted their eyes or if I wanted their faces or more. Initially, I had wanted just the eyes because eyes are an important part of communication.
While recording them, it provided an interesting experience for us. I noticed the silence we shared, which is something we do all the time yet it was different because there was a recording object between us. It was also interesting that they completely trusted me to record them and didn’t question it other than out of interest for the project I was working on even though most of my family dislikes being on camera. There is a supportive element to this project, as well as a very intimate component. I started with my mom because she was in the hospital, and at the time of the recording we weren’t sure if she was going to make it. We still aren’t, she is still waiting to see if she can get back on the transplant list. I am constantly scared about losing someone else in my family or someone important to me because we have faced a lot of deaths and hardships, which was part of the concept behind this. After my mom, I recorded my grandma, then my nieces, my nephew, and then my sisters. As I was editing the footage, I began to think about how to display the videos, realizing I didn’t think I agreed with my original idea any more. I decided to display them next to each other in a grid, with each face disappearing eventually behind static. Also, while editing the video, either due to my lack of knowledge in this field or just how it has to be done, the videos were losing quality, even saving them at high qualities. I debated whether this was a good thing or not. I realized though, I enjoy it when the material is able to work with me and communicate and dislike forcing a material into something it doesn’t want to be. I, therefore, left the videos to lose quality and become less clear. As it became less clear, it began a dialogue of memories for me and as someone dies over time the pain lessens slightly even though we never forget them. This fear reminds me constantly that our bodies are temporary, and only offering us a form for us to borrow for a short time to fulfill our aspirations. The body comes with weaknesses, and we need to realize that we only have so much time to be with our loved ones and to make our dreams come true, as we come to realize the body was never a free gift.